"Wahh.. Kamu mati kutu berarti Mbak?", begitu tanggapan Mas Hery - OB handal kantor ini - demi menanggapi ceritaku tentang 'ketauannya blog-ku oleh orang-orang kantor'. Let's just pray atasanku belum baca juga - kalau engga, aku tinggal nunggu dipecat.
Sebenernya pengen cerita banyak dan detail, tapi udah ga sanggup. Keburu malas begitu tau orang-orang di kantor ini jadi bisa tau apapun yang ada di pikiran dan hatiku. Bukannya apa-apa, cuma kan ga harus semua hal diketahui semua orang, heuehueuhe...
Maluuuu... AKu malu banget. Hal-hal yang cuma aku share ke orang-orang tertentu (dan itu kenapa aku tidak memberitahu address blog-ku ke semua orang) sekarang jadi bisa dibaca dan dinikmati sebagai bahan gosip dan tertawaan. =)
Jadinya kan ngga enak banget mulai sekarang kalo nulis harus jaga-jaga bahasa dan milih kata dengan ati-ati... Bener sih kayak kata Pak Dwijo (ni aku mulai nyebut merek nii...toh udah ketauan aku cerita tentang siapa-siapa aja.gosh...), "harusnya kamu udah siap dibaca ama siapapun dong kalo udah mutusin ngebuat blog begitu..".
Iya bener, aku setuju.. Tapi ngga dibaca orang-orang kantor dong..??Aiiibbb.....Maluuu....Huwwaaaa....
Masih rada kacau nih, makanya nulisnya juga jadi rada ngawur begini. Entar deh kalo udah rada tenang aja. Dan aku harap, kalau berikut2nya aku post apapun lagi ke blog ini, ngga bakal jadi bahan ketawaan. For words mean a lot to me, and so do the colors.
Cheers.. =)
Rabu, 18 Februari 2009
Minggu, 15 Februari 2009
14 Februari 2009
"Diba, kamu entar Valentine-an ama siapa?", tanta seorang senior di kantor.
"Hahh? Ah busett buk. Ga ada raya-raya-an buk. Pengen pulang aku. Tidur."
"Aku entar valentine ama siapa ya?"
"Yailaaa.. DI sini ajah kitaa.. Rame-rame.. Kan ada opening pamerannya anak2 Minang itu juga bu.."
"Kak Dibaa...!! Entar pulang jam berapa? Aku kayaknya bakal sendirian di kost... Valentine ama siapa yaah...??"
"Kakaak.. Met Valentine yah.. Peluk cium dari sini.." (kalo yg ini lewat SMS).
Segitunya yah ternyata efek si Valentine ini buat orang-orang. Salah satu adek kost-ku malah rada tersedu-sedu karena cuma bisa sampe sore bareng laki-nya, jadi mereka ga bisa ngerayain si Hari Cinta ini lebih lama... Udah dari seminggu yang lalu hawa-hawanya si Val ini masuk kuping. Jawabanku sama, "Hahh!! Pulang aku. Tidur. Jogja pasti macet parah dimana-mana. Malam minggu pula..", sementara yang lainnya sudah merancang dan mencita-citakan rundown acara untuk sepanjang tanggal 14 Februari.
Aku tidak pernah merayakan si Val ini - terlebih dengan simbolik (ngasi coklat, ngelakuin hal yang 'alangkah sweet', dsb.), jadi dengan sangat mantab aku sudah mematangkan rencana untuk benar-benar langsung pulang dari kantor (hari Sabtu usai jam 3 sore) dan tidur di kost. Apa daya - bakal ada opening pameran pada malam harinya. Dengan niat tulus dan ikhlas aku stay di kantor sambil sesekali menelepon sana-sini, memastikan gedung dan segala persiapannya baik-baik saja, terutama kebersihan (sebelumnya ditekankan dengan amat sangat oleh atasanku.) Sekitar jam setengah lima, Titi (salah satu teman di kantor ini yang baru pulang dari mengurus Art Space di Jakarta) datang mengunjungiku. Gatal saling tukar cerita dan saling confirm kebenaran fakta (halah), kami duduk dengan dua cangkir coklat panas (yang disela untuk urusan lampu dan si kamar mandi itu). Jam setengah delapan, turun karena acara sudah dimulai dan aku terkagum-kagum dengan permainan perkusi ala rampak yang menjadi salah satu performance (Titi sibuk temu kangen dengan teman-teman senimannya). Lapar sebenernya - dan sangat ingin melahap sate padang yang dijual di tepi Pendopo tempat berlangsungnya acara, apa boleh buat, yang antri se-Indonesia, bertampang gahar pula. Berkeliling ruang pamer dan sempat bertemu sebentar dengan teman-teman kampus yang menghadiri pemutaran film di gedung lainnya, Titi dan aku berangkat bertamasya dengan becak ke salah satu rumah seniman di daerah... umm... apa itu namanya. Nitiprayan? Begitu kalau ngga salah.
Si seniman ini kuanggap (dan kupaksa, hueuheuehue..) menjadi kakak-ku, dan pertemuan kami bertiga menjadi ajang tumpah ruah curhat oleh Titi (dan aku sesekali, karena sebelumnya sudah pernah menghujankan curhatan juga padanya). Rencana yang awalnya berupa menyambangi si Kakak ini beberapa saat lalu melanjutkan dengan nongkrong sampai pagi hanya berdua dengan Titi, berubah menjadi candle-light-dinner versi kami sendiri. SI Kakak menyalakan lilin yang besarnya aduhai dan berwarna merah, Titi dan aku dengan sangat gapteknya masak mie pakai kayu bakar yang berakibat agak fatal - mienya berwujud gemuk-sehat dengan kuah yang banyak (padahal mie goreng) dan telur yang entah dimana. Satu panci, berdua. ALangkah romantis. Duduk di teras dengan hangatnya api dari tungku sambil ngobrol dan makan mie yang akhirnya diwariskan dengan hormat pada kedua kucing tercinta sang Kakak.
Aku... jauh lebih suka begitu. Tidak perlu mengucapkan "Happy Valentine" atau "Heh!Met Hari Kasih Sayang yaaa..!!", karena rasa sayang yang kuat itu sendiri sudah bicara lebih banyak. =)
Aku tidur dengan lelap melewati dini hari dan merasa bahagia karena akhirnya memiliki akhir minggu yang berbeda dengan yang biasanya (walau terbangun dengan agak tertekan batin paginya karena lagu yang diputar tetangga dengan volume 'lebaiy' itu). Lebih dari segalanya, aku tidak hanya merasa 'dipenuhi' oleh kasih sayang, tapi juga energi dan pandangan-pandangan baru. Eh begini ngga ya tadinya maksudku? Ya begini ajalah. =D
"Hahh? Ah busett buk. Ga ada raya-raya-an buk. Pengen pulang aku. Tidur."
"Aku entar valentine ama siapa ya?"
"Yailaaa.. DI sini ajah kitaa.. Rame-rame.. Kan ada opening pamerannya anak2 Minang itu juga bu.."
"Kak Dibaa...!! Entar pulang jam berapa? Aku kayaknya bakal sendirian di kost... Valentine ama siapa yaah...??"
"Kakaak.. Met Valentine yah.. Peluk cium dari sini.." (kalo yg ini lewat SMS).
Segitunya yah ternyata efek si Valentine ini buat orang-orang. Salah satu adek kost-ku malah rada tersedu-sedu karena cuma bisa sampe sore bareng laki-nya, jadi mereka ga bisa ngerayain si Hari Cinta ini lebih lama... Udah dari seminggu yang lalu hawa-hawanya si Val ini masuk kuping. Jawabanku sama, "Hahh!! Pulang aku. Tidur. Jogja pasti macet parah dimana-mana. Malam minggu pula..", sementara yang lainnya sudah merancang dan mencita-citakan rundown acara untuk sepanjang tanggal 14 Februari.
Aku tidak pernah merayakan si Val ini - terlebih dengan simbolik (ngasi coklat, ngelakuin hal yang 'alangkah sweet', dsb.), jadi dengan sangat mantab aku sudah mematangkan rencana untuk benar-benar langsung pulang dari kantor (hari Sabtu usai jam 3 sore) dan tidur di kost. Apa daya - bakal ada opening pameran pada malam harinya. Dengan niat tulus dan ikhlas aku stay di kantor sambil sesekali menelepon sana-sini, memastikan gedung dan segala persiapannya baik-baik saja, terutama kebersihan (sebelumnya ditekankan dengan amat sangat oleh atasanku.) Sekitar jam setengah lima, Titi (salah satu teman di kantor ini yang baru pulang dari mengurus Art Space di Jakarta) datang mengunjungiku. Gatal saling tukar cerita dan saling confirm kebenaran fakta (halah), kami duduk dengan dua cangkir coklat panas (yang disela untuk urusan lampu dan si kamar mandi itu). Jam setengah delapan, turun karena acara sudah dimulai dan aku terkagum-kagum dengan permainan perkusi ala rampak yang menjadi salah satu performance (Titi sibuk temu kangen dengan teman-teman senimannya). Lapar sebenernya - dan sangat ingin melahap sate padang yang dijual di tepi Pendopo tempat berlangsungnya acara, apa boleh buat, yang antri se-Indonesia, bertampang gahar pula. Berkeliling ruang pamer dan sempat bertemu sebentar dengan teman-teman kampus yang menghadiri pemutaran film di gedung lainnya, Titi dan aku berangkat bertamasya dengan becak ke salah satu rumah seniman di daerah... umm... apa itu namanya. Nitiprayan? Begitu kalau ngga salah.
Si seniman ini kuanggap (dan kupaksa, hueuheuehue..) menjadi kakak-ku, dan pertemuan kami bertiga menjadi ajang tumpah ruah curhat oleh Titi (dan aku sesekali, karena sebelumnya sudah pernah menghujankan curhatan juga padanya). Rencana yang awalnya berupa menyambangi si Kakak ini beberapa saat lalu melanjutkan dengan nongkrong sampai pagi hanya berdua dengan Titi, berubah menjadi candle-light-dinner versi kami sendiri. SI Kakak menyalakan lilin yang besarnya aduhai dan berwarna merah, Titi dan aku dengan sangat gapteknya masak mie pakai kayu bakar yang berakibat agak fatal - mienya berwujud gemuk-sehat dengan kuah yang banyak (padahal mie goreng) dan telur yang entah dimana. Satu panci, berdua. ALangkah romantis. Duduk di teras dengan hangatnya api dari tungku sambil ngobrol dan makan mie yang akhirnya diwariskan dengan hormat pada kedua kucing tercinta sang Kakak.
Aku... jauh lebih suka begitu. Tidak perlu mengucapkan "Happy Valentine" atau "Heh!Met Hari Kasih Sayang yaaa..!!", karena rasa sayang yang kuat itu sendiri sudah bicara lebih banyak. =)
Aku tidur dengan lelap melewati dini hari dan merasa bahagia karena akhirnya memiliki akhir minggu yang berbeda dengan yang biasanya (walau terbangun dengan agak tertekan batin paginya karena lagu yang diputar tetangga dengan volume 'lebaiy' itu). Lebih dari segalanya, aku tidak hanya merasa 'dipenuhi' oleh kasih sayang, tapi juga energi dan pandangan-pandangan baru. Eh begini ngga ya tadinya maksudku? Ya begini ajalah. =D
Jumat, 13 Februari 2009
Dia.
Duduk bersila ia mendengar cerita dengan tekun. Memperhatikan mimik wajah, gerak tangan dan bahasa tubuh. Menyimak dan merekam pilihan kata dan nada suara. Mengamati garis-garis keras wajah, menikmati seutuhnya.
Rasanya pernah seperti ini. Duduk seperti ini, di tempat seperti ini, dengan sosok seperti dia. Tidak cukup terganggu untuk dapat mengingat masa lalu apa yang tanpa sadar terbawa ke saat ini, ia tetap diam dan tersenyum sesekali. Menikmati garis wajahnya, menikmati seutuhnya.
Belum lama mengenal, cukup banyak terucap. Ia menyebutnya 'Kakak', satu sebutan yang dapat menyelamatkannya dari rasa dan pikir yang dapat melukai. Kagum memang, tapi cukup sebatas itu. Tidak lebih. Kata tentang reinkarnasi dan perjuangan akan isu sosial tertentu cukup berat baginya - tapi itu lagu. Untuk pertama kalinya, ia tidak keberatan mendengar pembicaraan berat yang panjang seperti itu. Lagu. Itu lagu baginya.
Menatapnya meraih dan menyapukan kuas, memandangi goretan warna dan berada di dekatnya - lebih dari yang ia harapkan. Rasa itu pun demikian. Ia takut dan tidak dapat membohongi dirinya sendiri. Ada yang berbeda. Ada sesuatu yang berbeda. Bahagia - dan sakit. Cantik - dan luka. Terlalu takut berharap. Terlalu takut merindukan tawa itu, suara itu. Terlalu takut mencintai - dia.
Rasanya pernah seperti ini. Duduk seperti ini, di tempat seperti ini, dengan sosok seperti dia. Tidak cukup terganggu untuk dapat mengingat masa lalu apa yang tanpa sadar terbawa ke saat ini, ia tetap diam dan tersenyum sesekali. Menikmati garis wajahnya, menikmati seutuhnya.
Belum lama mengenal, cukup banyak terucap. Ia menyebutnya 'Kakak', satu sebutan yang dapat menyelamatkannya dari rasa dan pikir yang dapat melukai. Kagum memang, tapi cukup sebatas itu. Tidak lebih. Kata tentang reinkarnasi dan perjuangan akan isu sosial tertentu cukup berat baginya - tapi itu lagu. Untuk pertama kalinya, ia tidak keberatan mendengar pembicaraan berat yang panjang seperti itu. Lagu. Itu lagu baginya.
Menatapnya meraih dan menyapukan kuas, memandangi goretan warna dan berada di dekatnya - lebih dari yang ia harapkan. Rasa itu pun demikian. Ia takut dan tidak dapat membohongi dirinya sendiri. Ada yang berbeda. Ada sesuatu yang berbeda. Bahagia - dan sakit. Cantik - dan luka. Terlalu takut berharap. Terlalu takut merindukan tawa itu, suara itu. Terlalu takut mencintai - dia.
Kamis, 12 Februari 2009
Dearest Maids
Like it’s been said
The further you seek, the less should you laid
You searched for a maid
Helped you cope your sanity, yet more games be played
Yelled on things, spelled on affairs
Well maids ain’t machines, there’s a life she bears
Desired for riches
Hunted for treasures
Hopping up the distance
She’s there as an instance
Bet you took her to truth or dare
Did you think she’s just a fare
Salient, aren’t you, took her as a minor
Forgot, haven’t you, how she unrest in your prior
Her hair so lovely
Dark, black and shiny
Beautiful, you thought, while dragging her hair
The more she cried, the more you said she is fair
Amazed by her skin
You touched her from chin
What was next, you knew, then banged her to the wall
The fairy fainted, you smiled, watched her tears fall
She made you tea, bend on her knees
You said a ‘Gee’ as you rubbed her tees
Tried to peek through her door
There she lied on the floor
Nearly died she was,
But freedoms don’t come fast
Lack of ideas on stealing her beauty
You took the iron and swab her slowly
As if the cigars couldn’t do much
You took the fuel and burnt her like branch
No wonder like what’s been said
To hell it has this world turned plaid
We believe there’s more like you
Nasty and cruel just like you do
We believe there’s more like you
So sad, a pity, still lots in mute
The further you seek, the less should you laid
You searched for a maid
Helped you cope your sanity, yet more games be played
Yelled on things, spelled on affairs
Well maids ain’t machines, there’s a life she bears
Desired for riches
Hunted for treasures
Hopping up the distance
She’s there as an instance
Bet you took her to truth or dare
Did you think she’s just a fare
Salient, aren’t you, took her as a minor
Forgot, haven’t you, how she unrest in your prior
Her hair so lovely
Dark, black and shiny
Beautiful, you thought, while dragging her hair
The more she cried, the more you said she is fair
Amazed by her skin
You touched her from chin
What was next, you knew, then banged her to the wall
The fairy fainted, you smiled, watched her tears fall
She made you tea, bend on her knees
You said a ‘Gee’ as you rubbed her tees
Tried to peek through her door
There she lied on the floor
Nearly died she was,
But freedoms don’t come fast
Lack of ideas on stealing her beauty
You took the iron and swab her slowly
As if the cigars couldn’t do much
You took the fuel and burnt her like branch
No wonder like what’s been said
To hell it has this world turned plaid
We believe there’s more like you
Nasty and cruel just like you do
We believe there’s more like you
So sad, a pity, still lots in mute
Alanis
So do tell me please, Alanis…
What is it that rips your lips
Should you be in freeze
Floating along with breeze
You were the charm
Who did you this harm?
Speak, Alanis, speak…
Long for your sound to hear, not any sight I seek
How can you be so melancholic
It’s not a drama, no need to hide
Though cruel is life, you still have pride
Look at me, Alanis, look m in the eye…
You cross your legs so tight
Cuddling on your own without a single light
I heard you left for a chase of life
Now here you are your soul so shy
Are those tears, Alanis, down your fair cheeks?
Those bright eyes dimmed
That gentle smile feared
Do me a favor, be kind to tell
What turned your life to such a hell
Don’t, Alanis, don’t…
Put down that knife, do shut that grin
What’s in mind, death ain’t an end
Surrender isn’t the word, fight is the theme
What you’ve faced is the code, you’re stronger than you seem
Now I know, Alanis, do cry no more…
You’re not alone, there are a lot
No use of moan, let’s do a bold
They might forget who bring them life
They would regret we’re still alive
It’s you and I, Alanis, and a lot more…
Wipe off the tears, for tears don’t cheer
There’ll be no fears, the light is near
It’s you and I, Alanis, and a lot more…
We’re called women, we deserved more.
What is it that rips your lips
Should you be in freeze
Floating along with breeze
You were the charm
Who did you this harm?
Speak, Alanis, speak…
Long for your sound to hear, not any sight I seek
How can you be so melancholic
It’s not a drama, no need to hide
Though cruel is life, you still have pride
Look at me, Alanis, look m in the eye…
You cross your legs so tight
Cuddling on your own without a single light
I heard you left for a chase of life
Now here you are your soul so shy
Are those tears, Alanis, down your fair cheeks?
Those bright eyes dimmed
That gentle smile feared
Do me a favor, be kind to tell
What turned your life to such a hell
Don’t, Alanis, don’t…
Put down that knife, do shut that grin
What’s in mind, death ain’t an end
Surrender isn’t the word, fight is the theme
What you’ve faced is the code, you’re stronger than you seem
Now I know, Alanis, do cry no more…
You’re not alone, there are a lot
No use of moan, let’s do a bold
They might forget who bring them life
They would regret we’re still alive
It’s you and I, Alanis, and a lot more…
Wipe off the tears, for tears don’t cheer
There’ll be no fears, the light is near
It’s you and I, Alanis, and a lot more…
We’re called women, we deserved more.
Selasa, 10 Februari 2009
Sheryl, Sheryl ...
Oh thou, thy mighty shines
Neither height you reach nor soul you bleach
Sheryl, Sheryl, what’s your will
Thou shattered and flattered, there troubles in feel
Yet northern star burns,
Yet golden sun blooms
Sheryl, Sheryl, you stay still
Thy wings are narrow, how fragile art thee
Dancing on pillows, thy smile bring sorrow
Scratched black gown with scars so smooth
Bend in humble with tunes by flute
Sheryl, Sheryl, your bitters chill
Too young for humming the blues
Too sweet to walk in woods
Sheryl, Sheryl, thy starvation kills
Thy poverty bleeds
Restless eyes seeking for pills
Smiling cheeks blushing but grills
Sheryl, Sheryl, art thou questioning hills
Remind me of an old cassette
When life’s not so brunette
Now as I lit the cigarette
The air in anger it looks scarlet
Sheryl, Sheryl, do not yet fade
Do not dimmed, do not pale
Sheryl, Sheryl, whistle through the rain
Do free from the pain
Release thy chain
Do dance again
Sheryl, Sheryl, though so it aches
Though life still fakes
Sheryl, Sheryl, fight the tears
Sheryl, Sheryl, thou should live
Neither height you reach nor soul you bleach
Sheryl, Sheryl, what’s your will
Thou shattered and flattered, there troubles in feel
Yet northern star burns,
Yet golden sun blooms
Sheryl, Sheryl, you stay still
Thy wings are narrow, how fragile art thee
Dancing on pillows, thy smile bring sorrow
Scratched black gown with scars so smooth
Bend in humble with tunes by flute
Sheryl, Sheryl, your bitters chill
Too young for humming the blues
Too sweet to walk in woods
Sheryl, Sheryl, thy starvation kills
Thy poverty bleeds
Restless eyes seeking for pills
Smiling cheeks blushing but grills
Sheryl, Sheryl, art thou questioning hills
Remind me of an old cassette
When life’s not so brunette
Now as I lit the cigarette
The air in anger it looks scarlet
Sheryl, Sheryl, do not yet fade
Do not dimmed, do not pale
Sheryl, Sheryl, whistle through the rain
Do free from the pain
Release thy chain
Do dance again
Sheryl, Sheryl, though so it aches
Though life still fakes
Sheryl, Sheryl, fight the tears
Sheryl, Sheryl, thou should live
Rabu, 04 Februari 2009
DorotheaDiba - The Devil Wears Prada
Ever seen a movie titled "The Devil Wears Prada"? It's based on a novel with the exact same title.
Bos nih ya. Perfeksionis. Jenis perfect yang hampir ngga masuk akal. Bisa ngasi arahan (perintah?) bertubi-tubi sampai rada bingung sendiri harus ngerjain yang mana duluan. Keren, adorable - lebih karena pembawaan diri, sikap tenang yang cenderung dingin, intelektualitas dan status sosial. She's a female.
I got the male version.
Mari berdoa semoga tulisan ini tidak terbaca oleh Beliau dan kalaupaun ya - tidak berdampak negatif bagi nusa dan bangsa.
Selain sifat dan sikap diatas, ada satu hal yang masih belum bisa aku mengerti. Umm.. Gimana ya ceritanya? Gini deh..contohnya begini..
One day, Beliau meminta salah satu staff manajemen museum untuk nge-handle satu rencana, bersama denganku. Dari awal yang bolakbalik busabusa ngub pihak luar yang bakal berurusan sama kita itu ya aku. Sempat sang staff ini minta email dan sebangsanya dari si pihak luar buat diforward ke dia, katanya biar dia yg update (yang ternya ta enggak, sodarasodara..ujung2nya aku jg yang update)..
Inti-intinya, ni rencana batal..
Sehari sebelum jadwal seharusnya rencana itu diadakan, aku lagi ada pelatihan putukupi, dan dengan sukses lupa ngasi tau atasanku. Catatan: atasanku tegas. dan galak ketika Beliau bergeser menjadi 'sangat tegas'.
Besok paginya, aku ngasi tau si kebatalan ini via YM (atas saran sang staff manajemen, laian ngubungin lewat telepon susah). Rada siang sang Bos datang, dengan muka yang sangat ramah dan jauh dari kesan 'Saya harap semua kerjaan beres, jangan coba-coba macam-macam'. Rada sore, paniklah si staff yang tadi ditambah staff satunya. Yang satu mulai kirim SMS ke aku pake tanda seru (yang aku ga suka, karena berasa tiba2 dibentak), yang satu lagi nelepon dengan nada panik. Duaduanya panik. Pas aku lagi makan siang.
Sang atasan blas ngga nanyain apapun ke aku ttg batalnya acara itu sebelumnya, jadi aku pikir everything's fine karena toh aku juga udah bilang sebelumnya lewat YM. Lah kenapa dua orang ini panik sebegitunya??
Akhirnya aku kirim SMS mengulang berita kebatalan itu, panjang lebar dan dengan hati-hati. Aku udah mikir bakal tiba-tiba ditelepon dan ditanyain rinci banget dengan nada super-rendah, ternyata enggak tuh...Baik-baik aja...
Udah ngerti kan apa yang belum aku mengerti dari Beliau?
Udah?
Belum?
Sama.
Aku lagi bingung, semua kerjaan udah kelar, jadi ngetiknya ngawur begini.
Heuehueuhe...
Maaf... =)
Bos nih ya. Perfeksionis. Jenis perfect yang hampir ngga masuk akal. Bisa ngasi arahan (perintah?) bertubi-tubi sampai rada bingung sendiri harus ngerjain yang mana duluan. Keren, adorable - lebih karena pembawaan diri, sikap tenang yang cenderung dingin, intelektualitas dan status sosial. She's a female.
I got the male version.
Mari berdoa semoga tulisan ini tidak terbaca oleh Beliau dan kalaupaun ya - tidak berdampak negatif bagi nusa dan bangsa.
Selain sifat dan sikap diatas, ada satu hal yang masih belum bisa aku mengerti. Umm.. Gimana ya ceritanya? Gini deh..contohnya begini..
One day, Beliau meminta salah satu staff manajemen museum untuk nge-handle satu rencana, bersama denganku. Dari awal yang bolakbalik busabusa ngub pihak luar yang bakal berurusan sama kita itu ya aku. Sempat sang staff ini minta email dan sebangsanya dari si pihak luar buat diforward ke dia, katanya biar dia yg update (yang ternya ta enggak, sodarasodara..ujung2nya aku jg yang update)..
Inti-intinya, ni rencana batal..
Sehari sebelum jadwal seharusnya rencana itu diadakan, aku lagi ada pelatihan putukupi, dan dengan sukses lupa ngasi tau atasanku. Catatan: atasanku tegas. dan galak ketika Beliau bergeser menjadi 'sangat tegas'.
Besok paginya, aku ngasi tau si kebatalan ini via YM (atas saran sang staff manajemen, laian ngubungin lewat telepon susah). Rada siang sang Bos datang, dengan muka yang sangat ramah dan jauh dari kesan 'Saya harap semua kerjaan beres, jangan coba-coba macam-macam'. Rada sore, paniklah si staff yang tadi ditambah staff satunya. Yang satu mulai kirim SMS ke aku pake tanda seru (yang aku ga suka, karena berasa tiba2 dibentak), yang satu lagi nelepon dengan nada panik. Duaduanya panik. Pas aku lagi makan siang.
Sang atasan blas ngga nanyain apapun ke aku ttg batalnya acara itu sebelumnya, jadi aku pikir everything's fine karena toh aku juga udah bilang sebelumnya lewat YM. Lah kenapa dua orang ini panik sebegitunya??
Akhirnya aku kirim SMS mengulang berita kebatalan itu, panjang lebar dan dengan hati-hati. Aku udah mikir bakal tiba-tiba ditelepon dan ditanyain rinci banget dengan nada super-rendah, ternyata enggak tuh...Baik-baik aja...
Udah ngerti kan apa yang belum aku mengerti dari Beliau?
Udah?
Belum?
Sama.
Aku lagi bingung, semua kerjaan udah kelar, jadi ngetiknya ngawur begini.
Heuehueuhe...
Maaf... =)
DorotheaDiba - Harus Ya Pakai Sepatu?
Hal kecil mungkin ya.. Tapi jiwaku bener-bener terganggu dengan peraturan 'harus pakai sepatu' di kantor ini.. Peraturan yang sangat wajar - aku yang ngga wajar. Jadi dengan sangat santainya aku pakai sandal jepit selama dalam perjalanan kost-kantor-kost dan pada jam-jam yang kira-kira atasanku belum datang. Sepatunya? Nihh. Ada nih. Udah ada tiga pasang sepatu ni di bawah meja. Kayaknya lama-lama aku bawa isi lemari juga kesini..sekalian sama alat2 mandi...trus ngebuat surat permohonan bangun tenda... Daripada aku telat bangun dan berangkat dengan sangat ngga rela karena terpaksa pakai taxi yang mahalnya ampun-ampunan itu? Kan enak begitu bangun, gaya kaget sambil ngeliat jam yang udah hampir setengah sembilan, kumur pake obat kumur, ambil handuk, naik ke atas buat matiin lampu kantor sebelah luar dan gani line telepon, trus turun lagi, mandi, sarapan ke kantin, dan melenggang tanpa bawa apapun ke kantor. Lembur juga ga akan jadi masalah.. Tinggal turun, langsung tidur. Iya kan-iya kan? Ada yang salah dengan cita-citaku ngebangun tenda di sini? Ada sih...karena tenda ga terlalu akur sama Prada. Prada..??
DorotheaDiba - Back to the Arctic Monkz..
Here I am..melototin lembaran2 nota sambil re-cap pake Excel.. Trauma dan 'ilfil' sejak compynya kantor mood-mood-an, I decided to use my own.. Tenang banget, tumben2an telepon ga krangkringkrangkring.. Lupa bawa kopi hitam dari kantin, berhasil nyegerin diri sendiri dengaaan.. "Arctic Monkeys"..!
Setelah beberapa lama tenggelam dengan lagu-lagu mellow dan memanjakan si hati yang sedih (halah bahasakuuu..), aku akhirnya balik lagi ke playlist yang penuh dengan Arctic Monkeys, Cake dan Queen. Bukan berarti aku udah sepenuhnya bisa ngelupain apa yang udah terjadi, tapi emang udah saatnya aja.. Gila ya jadi diam ga beralasan gitu karena masih repot mikir 'kenapa' dan 'dimana' padahal orang yang dipikirin lagi repot nyehatin diri sendiri...heuehueuhe...
I'll just wait what else I'm going to face within those upcoming days..Kalau masalah keluarga, umm..., ya dihadapin aja dan berusaha setenang mungkin. Kesehatan? Enggalah, dadaku udah ga nyeri, perut juga mulai 'jinak'... Masalah kantor? Selesaikan dengan sikap yang biasa... Masalah hati? Enggak. Ga mau tau. Ngga lagi-lagi sok kuat mau ngebuka hati. Masalah...sepatu? Sepatu..?
Setelah beberapa lama tenggelam dengan lagu-lagu mellow dan memanjakan si hati yang sedih (halah bahasakuuu..), aku akhirnya balik lagi ke playlist yang penuh dengan Arctic Monkeys, Cake dan Queen. Bukan berarti aku udah sepenuhnya bisa ngelupain apa yang udah terjadi, tapi emang udah saatnya aja.. Gila ya jadi diam ga beralasan gitu karena masih repot mikir 'kenapa' dan 'dimana' padahal orang yang dipikirin lagi repot nyehatin diri sendiri...heuehueuhe...
I'll just wait what else I'm going to face within those upcoming days..Kalau masalah keluarga, umm..., ya dihadapin aja dan berusaha setenang mungkin. Kesehatan? Enggalah, dadaku udah ga nyeri, perut juga mulai 'jinak'... Masalah kantor? Selesaikan dengan sikap yang biasa... Masalah hati? Enggak. Ga mau tau. Ngga lagi-lagi sok kuat mau ngebuka hati. Masalah...sepatu? Sepatu..?
Jumat, 30 Januari 2009
so then...
I finally came to the reason...the reason of you on leaving and run away...
Curang yaa..? Pintar.. Kenapa ngga ngomong? Kenapa ngga cerita? But yes, I do believe that God and time has their own way on letting us know the answer..
"Lagi di BI.. Mau jemput.."
Did you know how I feel by that time?
Aku sempat ngga bisa nangis lagi..But I cried that time... Had a hard day at work and decided to call you, another phonecall that I know you would miss.. But then you picked it up and said such words...
Aku pikir aku akan tetap menangis malam itu, aku bahkan mencari-cari sakitku sendiri karenamu... You failed.
Kau tidak bisa lebih buruk dari ini. Bagaimanapun kau yang pergi, and i didn't do anything. You are the one who lied, you are the one who left. You didn't keep your promise, you cheated on me.
But I'm okay. Thank God I never gave anything to you more than I could bear. At least I know who you are now after all that you've done.
Thank you. I might have been broken, but it energized me. I might have been hurt, but it only last for two weeks. I might have cried, but I'm coping tough. I might have regrets on knowing you, but I learned much. I might have missed you, but it's going on worthy. I might have let you go, it's the best i can do. Best for me, for my own self.
=)
Curang yaa..? Pintar.. Kenapa ngga ngomong? Kenapa ngga cerita? But yes, I do believe that God and time has their own way on letting us know the answer..
"Lagi di BI.. Mau jemput.."
Did you know how I feel by that time?
Aku sempat ngga bisa nangis lagi..But I cried that time... Had a hard day at work and decided to call you, another phonecall that I know you would miss.. But then you picked it up and said such words...
Aku pikir aku akan tetap menangis malam itu, aku bahkan mencari-cari sakitku sendiri karenamu... You failed.
Kau tidak bisa lebih buruk dari ini. Bagaimanapun kau yang pergi, and i didn't do anything. You are the one who lied, you are the one who left. You didn't keep your promise, you cheated on me.
But I'm okay. Thank God I never gave anything to you more than I could bear. At least I know who you are now after all that you've done.
Thank you. I might have been broken, but it energized me. I might have been hurt, but it only last for two weeks. I might have cried, but I'm coping tough. I might have regrets on knowing you, but I learned much. I might have missed you, but it's going on worthy. I might have let you go, it's the best i can do. Best for me, for my own self.
=)
Kamis, 22 Januari 2009
It's just another ordinary morning..
When I sit, sip my coffee and there are thoughts of things;
of these, of sheets, of counting, of you.
Just another ordinary morning..
While I sit, working on stuffs and remembering things;
of regrets, of the past, of life, of you.
Another ordinary morning..
I just sit, light my cigarette and listening things;
my mind, my heart, the songs, the voices, of you.
Ordinary morning..
of me sitting still, hold myself from questioning things;
on why, on where, on how, on you.
Morning, such a morning..
with such a rhyme, rhymes in moaning..
on I, on us, on you.
When I sit, sip my coffee and there are thoughts of things;
of these, of sheets, of counting, of you.
Just another ordinary morning..
While I sit, working on stuffs and remembering things;
of regrets, of the past, of life, of you.
Another ordinary morning..
I just sit, light my cigarette and listening things;
my mind, my heart, the songs, the voices, of you.
Ordinary morning..
of me sitting still, hold myself from questioning things;
on why, on where, on how, on you.
Morning, such a morning..
with such a rhyme, rhymes in moaning..
on I, on us, on you.
Selasa, 20 Januari 2009
Stream of Thoughts #5
The sun shines, I thank it for you
It clears the path wipe off the blue
For once you thought I might be yours
Well here in heart you keep arose
I'm not a trophy
I'm much more worthy
Don't mention the glory
It was the secret went blurry
Scenario He owned, run by the time
Hoped it's you that's written on palm
At last I speak, this was my prime
I'm ever so sorry, never planned any harm
You were always so kind
You were always so warm
Now I feel like wasted
A waste for hesitated
Walk away as far as you wish
Never look back, I'm begging you please
Do leave me dear, grab your bliss
I'll still feel you here within the breeze
Turn around if ever you see me
I wouldn't stand those eyes of mystery
Though now I live in misery
I know it's you that kept me breathe
It's always been him, said I
And will always be, cried I
By this I come to say goodbye
I've framed you here, do fly, go by
Farewell
--Dorothea Diba--
(November 2008) __ dedicated to Charlie.
It clears the path wipe off the blue
For once you thought I might be yours
Well here in heart you keep arose
I'm not a trophy
I'm much more worthy
Don't mention the glory
It was the secret went blurry
Scenario He owned, run by the time
Hoped it's you that's written on palm
At last I speak, this was my prime
I'm ever so sorry, never planned any harm
You were always so kind
You were always so warm
Now I feel like wasted
A waste for hesitated
Walk away as far as you wish
Never look back, I'm begging you please
Do leave me dear, grab your bliss
I'll still feel you here within the breeze
Turn around if ever you see me
I wouldn't stand those eyes of mystery
Though now I live in misery
I know it's you that kept me breathe
It's always been him, said I
And will always be, cried I
By this I come to say goodbye
I've framed you here, do fly, go by
Farewell
--Dorothea Diba--
(November 2008) __ dedicated to Charlie.
Stream of Thoughts #4
Couldn't stop the tears that night
Such a long time we have passed
Came to see you, a long lost friend
But there I was, so many to pretend
I cried in the arms of a friend of mine
She asked me to calm the flame of pine
Cheered me with words and comforts that time
It felt like having wide scars in lime
For goodness sake, how I loved thee
Realized in sudden, that love lies here
So still in grace, refused to shrink
Too long in silence, poison to drink
My dearest one, I never played around
You said I danced in your passion
As for you, it took me long to found
I never wound, all we had was compound
If only I shut the laughter and smile
You would have seen the hope I bear
Been for years held it in style
A silly old me for never too dare
My dearest one it's always a yes
If only you asked, I'd come to confess
Don't ever sorry for something you called test
'Cause yes it should be towards the best
But far too late, you've gone away
Far to the mars with such a sway
Too painful this is, awkward to feel
Time will show the way to heal
Such a long time we have passed
Came to see you, a long lost friend
But there I was, so many to pretend
I cried in the arms of a friend of mine
She asked me to calm the flame of pine
Cheered me with words and comforts that time
It felt like having wide scars in lime
For goodness sake, how I loved thee
Realized in sudden, that love lies here
So still in grace, refused to shrink
Too long in silence, poison to drink
My dearest one, I never played around
You said I danced in your passion
As for you, it took me long to found
I never wound, all we had was compound
If only I shut the laughter and smile
You would have seen the hope I bear
Been for years held it in style
A silly old me for never too dare
My dearest one it's always a yes
If only you asked, I'd come to confess
Don't ever sorry for something you called test
'Cause yes it should be towards the best
But far too late, you've gone away
Far to the mars with such a sway
Too painful this is, awkward to feel
Time will show the way to heal
Stream of Thoughts #3
I shouldn't be named after the moon
The crescent's too high for such a noon
For I'm heated and lived in hell
I couldn't stand the ache so well
Remove his number, that's what he asked
And so did I, it was a task
Was proud I am to wrote it back
Behind the poets you gave in hand
I never stopped, my dear, those thoughts of you
Even in pain I questioned where were you
I hid the things that remind me of you
Every time I prayed, I pray for you
As time went by loyalty demands
Dishonest I was to clear out the mess
I stayed and promised never to look back
On pasts I had avoid the evil act
A year gone by then there was goodbye
Betrayed I was, abandoned in pale
Direction I followed took granted in hollow
Unpleasant I was, invited the sorrow
Ashamed of mistakes that lead to die
Hardly forgiven the guilt of delight
Should have settled for him whose heart was I
Searched back for the prince I once denied
Should have been you, but who's to blame
We never could, too scared of harm
This sad story came in fame
The passion I had in peace so calm
The crescent's too high for such a noon
For I'm heated and lived in hell
I couldn't stand the ache so well
Remove his number, that's what he asked
And so did I, it was a task
Was proud I am to wrote it back
Behind the poets you gave in hand
I never stopped, my dear, those thoughts of you
Even in pain I questioned where were you
I hid the things that remind me of you
Every time I prayed, I pray for you
As time went by loyalty demands
Dishonest I was to clear out the mess
I stayed and promised never to look back
On pasts I had avoid the evil act
A year gone by then there was goodbye
Betrayed I was, abandoned in pale
Direction I followed took granted in hollow
Unpleasant I was, invited the sorrow
Ashamed of mistakes that lead to die
Hardly forgiven the guilt of delight
Should have settled for him whose heart was I
Searched back for the prince I once denied
Should have been you, but who's to blame
We never could, too scared of harm
This sad story came in fame
The passion I had in peace so calm
Stream of Thoughts #2
Months go by with no confess
Poets you sent such beauty in rhymes
I asked and asked to no one but I
If only I demand, these dice won't lie
Sincere you were but fake I was
Faithful you were but foolish I was
Truths I had, I see you weren't through
Such an ego, can't you see I always in the front row
So there you were still speaking in silence
Written in charm, should spoken in clearance
My dear, my love, always you in mind
Damn this old self for being so blind
I wait and wait, never had you come
Certain then I, you never aimed for love
In broken I accepted one else
The one I thought a knight to erase
Locked up and hurt
Banged and blood
The tears had fallen and blown
Hoped for his love my very own
Stood by him arrested by vow
Never could I ask for more
That evil heart burned me so slow
By nights I heard your voice too low
That man wasn't the one, I moaned
All I asked was someone for whom I'm Crescent Moon
Barely stand on feet to run
The vow to obey hid will to hunt
Poets you sent such beauty in rhymes
I asked and asked to no one but I
If only I demand, these dice won't lie
Sincere you were but fake I was
Faithful you were but foolish I was
Truths I had, I see you weren't through
Such an ego, can't you see I always in the front row
So there you were still speaking in silence
Written in charm, should spoken in clearance
My dear, my love, always you in mind
Damn this old self for being so blind
I wait and wait, never had you come
Certain then I, you never aimed for love
In broken I accepted one else
The one I thought a knight to erase
Locked up and hurt
Banged and blood
The tears had fallen and blown
Hoped for his love my very own
Stood by him arrested by vow
Never could I ask for more
That evil heart burned me so slow
By nights I heard your voice too low
That man wasn't the one, I moaned
All I asked was someone for whom I'm Crescent Moon
Barely stand on feet to run
The vow to obey hid will to hunt
Stream of Thoughts #1
Cry my tears again tonight
I feel the clouds gained here in sight
See the sky almighty past
Confuse to wipe despair in heart
Do come sunshine
I'm longing to die
For he was real in blue
Could see how I was too
I blame acquaintance that came too slow
Ages it took, regretful grow
How come it was such heart denied
Moron I was, for years I lied
Didn't you know to stay await
Just to had you come and sit
Say all those in sake of honesty
Treats I awaked for, be healed in remedy
My sun still absent
My night you never brighten
Alas, the reach I failed!
Such an iceberg you have been
You chilled me in vain
My only dearest man
If it seems like being blamed
Pardon me for being puzzled
Anxiety there was by the mystified you
Silence you gave with nothing but pure
Doubts I had so much so true
Whether my home I'd find in you
I feel the clouds gained here in sight
See the sky almighty past
Confuse to wipe despair in heart
Do come sunshine
I'm longing to die
For he was real in blue
Could see how I was too
I blame acquaintance that came too slow
Ages it took, regretful grow
How come it was such heart denied
Moron I was, for years I lied
Didn't you know to stay await
Just to had you come and sit
Say all those in sake of honesty
Treats I awaked for, be healed in remedy
My sun still absent
My night you never brighten
Alas, the reach I failed!
Such an iceberg you have been
You chilled me in vain
My only dearest man
If it seems like being blamed
Pardon me for being puzzled
Anxiety there was by the mystified you
Silence you gave with nothing but pure
Doubts I had so much so true
Whether my home I'd find in you
D-..-..-..-S
Bella Luna...4:17
Mr. Curiosity...4:00
In a Manner of Speaking...3:58
For the Damaged...3:02
Cello Suite No 1 in G Major...2:26
Canon in D (Vienna Boys Choir)...3:40
Kyrie Eleison (de Taize)...2:44
... ... .:..
... ... .:..
Those were the songs I listened to within these last few days. Always in my playlist, turned it on even when I sleep or work at the office. Kept saying out loud by heart, "It's okay, you're fine" over and over again. Inhaled and exhaled long deep breaths, swallowing my own tears. Smiled to everyone around, held the tears tight in the corner of my eyes. Crossed my fingers more than I can count for the sake of sanity. Typed messages then cancelled the sending. Shook my head every single time the scenes turned and chased each other in mind. Lots of mineral water each time my heart beats fast. In hunger but couldn't eat anything. Then songs - those songs - played again. Memories appeared.
Loving and loosing just not my things. I could never stand myself properly, could not handle everything well. Loving and loosing scared me so well until it hurt, kind of scar that I would also scratch to those who walked beside me. I could never play my role as a good lover; I always turned out to be a looser. I should never be a lover, for I've always been a looser.
Those songs were the ones I listened to within the last few days. In loving and loosing I might not have the guts but at least I tried my courage. Those songs might reflect my regrets, regrets on having the guilt. Hopes and wishes won't do me any good, though hopes and wishes of all the best would I love to say to him. It was him, always been him right three weeks ago from now. If ever have the chance to turn back time, I would erase all I had towards him - whatever they meant to be.
Those songs are all I have, since I should wipe off all those loving and loosing. It indeed is a fast past, I can only hope this sorrow ends as it begun.
Mr. Curiosity...4:00
In a Manner of Speaking...3:58
For the Damaged...3:02
Cello Suite No 1 in G Major...2:26
Canon in D (Vienna Boys Choir)...3:40
Kyrie Eleison (de Taize)...2:44
... ... .:..
... ... .:..
Those were the songs I listened to within these last few days. Always in my playlist, turned it on even when I sleep or work at the office. Kept saying out loud by heart, "It's okay, you're fine" over and over again. Inhaled and exhaled long deep breaths, swallowing my own tears. Smiled to everyone around, held the tears tight in the corner of my eyes. Crossed my fingers more than I can count for the sake of sanity. Typed messages then cancelled the sending. Shook my head every single time the scenes turned and chased each other in mind. Lots of mineral water each time my heart beats fast. In hunger but couldn't eat anything. Then songs - those songs - played again. Memories appeared.
Loving and loosing just not my things. I could never stand myself properly, could not handle everything well. Loving and loosing scared me so well until it hurt, kind of scar that I would also scratch to those who walked beside me. I could never play my role as a good lover; I always turned out to be a looser. I should never be a lover, for I've always been a looser.
Those songs were the ones I listened to within the last few days. In loving and loosing I might not have the guts but at least I tried my courage. Those songs might reflect my regrets, regrets on having the guilt. Hopes and wishes won't do me any good, though hopes and wishes of all the best would I love to say to him. It was him, always been him right three weeks ago from now. If ever have the chance to turn back time, I would erase all I had towards him - whatever they meant to be.
Those songs are all I have, since I should wipe off all those loving and loosing. It indeed is a fast past, I can only hope this sorrow ends as it begun.
Mbak Nina
"Aku ngga mau dipanggil Mbak... jadi, kalo misalnya aku nyapa 'Mbak Ninaa....', Mbak jawabnya, 'haiiii dibaaa...'"...
Ever since then, setiap aku menyapa, dalam konteks apapun, sosok bertubuh ramping nan ramah ini hampir bisa dipastikan menjawab sesuai dengan permohonanku, "Haii Diba.....".
We've met more than once but never talked much. Began to chit-chat since I met her in Facebook - it comes as one of my routine activity while in work...
Nice and warm hearted, a supporting person. Charming at the first sight, I should say. Semoga tidak terlalu terkesan memuji. Bukan apa-apa, aku sering punya penyesalan mendalam setelah memuji seseorang setulus apapun itu sesungguhnya.. =)
Anyhow, I'm ever so glad to find a person like you, just like when I found Mbak Mimi. God bless you both, ever. =)
Ever since then, setiap aku menyapa, dalam konteks apapun, sosok bertubuh ramping nan ramah ini hampir bisa dipastikan menjawab sesuai dengan permohonanku, "Haii Diba.....".
We've met more than once but never talked much. Began to chit-chat since I met her in Facebook - it comes as one of my routine activity while in work...
Nice and warm hearted, a supporting person. Charming at the first sight, I should say. Semoga tidak terlalu terkesan memuji. Bukan apa-apa, aku sering punya penyesalan mendalam setelah memuji seseorang setulus apapun itu sesungguhnya.. =)
Anyhow, I'm ever so glad to find a person like you, just like when I found Mbak Mimi. God bless you both, ever. =)
Senin, 19 Januari 2009
How long has it been since the last time I prayed this?
How long has it been since the last time I spent to read the Bible and have thoughts in silence before I fell asleep?
How long has it been since the last time I made myself up early just to come to the very first Sunday morning service?
How long has it been since the last 'Rosario' or even 'Novena' prayers I had?
It seems like it's been ages and I've walked away too far. I miss Him. I honestly do.
And so he asked. He read it – and asked. I don’t know whether there would be any use of talking about it. Talks of how we really feel, questions of why and how. I’d rather stay this way, remain doing whatever it is that I have to do. All these heart matters can come last afterwards.
It doesn’t mean that I’m disgraced of all these, doesn’t mean that every single thing and second I had with him doesn’t even mean a thing. It’s just something about gambling. Gambling on whether I myself strong enough to traverse a new road; whether I could accept somebody else to walk beside me or not; whether I can face any unpredictable situations that I might have in the future; whether I’m ready to love someone with all my heart.
There’s something called priority and this kind of thing isn’t included in my list. As I said, I wouldn’t do anything to harm myself anymore. If ever these seeds grow, I would prefer to plant them alone. So then, questions would all be left as questions. I don’t need any answers; I just need to spit them out. It might seems like pretending, but I care none. Though indeed I care, I’ll try my best to say none.
It doesn’t mean that I’m disgraced of all these, doesn’t mean that every single thing and second I had with him doesn’t even mean a thing. It’s just something about gambling. Gambling on whether I myself strong enough to traverse a new road; whether I could accept somebody else to walk beside me or not; whether I can face any unpredictable situations that I might have in the future; whether I’m ready to love someone with all my heart.
There’s something called priority and this kind of thing isn’t included in my list. As I said, I wouldn’t do anything to harm myself anymore. If ever these seeds grow, I would prefer to plant them alone. So then, questions would all be left as questions. I don’t need any answers; I just need to spit them out. It might seems like pretending, but I care none. Though indeed I care, I’ll try my best to say none.
Minggu, 18 Januari 2009
The Mess - A Short Story comes to an End
Dimas. How often have friends of mine heard of this name? A man of laughter and joy, of comfort and more. Have known him for almost three weeks by now – such a short time of knowing somebody thoroughly. It was always beautiful at the beginning but things turned out upside down when it comes to the end. I know I shouldn’t use the ‘end’ word for there never was a beginning of anything on both of us.
Still, I can’t lie how this man brought many things into my life within the last few weeks. He convinced me well, he taught me much. Now that I realize nothing lasts forever, I’m ever so glad to have prepared my own self on loosing those warmth and kindness since he changed into a dark cold man. Though he really meant to step out, he would have the honor on having his own corner here in heart and mind.
Still, I can’t lie how this man brought many things into my life within the last few weeks. He convinced me well, he taught me much. Now that I realize nothing lasts forever, I’m ever so glad to have prepared my own self on loosing those warmth and kindness since he changed into a dark cold man. Though he really meant to step out, he would have the honor on having his own corner here in heart and mind.
When you’re weary…
Feeling small…
When tears are in your eyes…
I’ll dry them all…
I’m on your side…
When times get rough…
And friends just can’t be found…
Like a bridge over troubled water…
I will lay me down…
Simon & Art Garfunkel – Bridge over Troubled Water
Siz? How are you doing? I smiled and cried at the same time when I read your blog on my way to work this morning. Tried to submit two comments with no luck and decided to write them down here in my own though not with the exact same words nor sentences.
There were times when my Mom used to send me messages saying “A prayer can go through everything, everywhere… Remember, my prayer will always be with you.” I would like to give those words to you now that we rarely see each other, but best friends stay in heart – I bet you knew that.
I myself still trying hard in facing this new life of mine. It isn’t easy to release all you’ve had within such a long time, including our daily activities. Sometimes I even imagined how you would sit right next to me at my lunch hours, or how I would talk of things while I’m on my way back from work. I asked myself several times whether you really were okay or were you just pretending. I wondered when would we be able to had dinner together again or even a brunch.
Well I’m not going anywhere, Siz. I’m not going anywhere. Like they said, best friends stay in heart.
In Heart and Mind of Love #1
Hey Mr. Curiosity
Is it true what they've been saying about you
Well are you killing me
You took care of the cat already
And for those who think it's heavy
Is it the truth
Or is it only gossip
Call it mystery or anything
Oh just as long as you call me
I sent the message on did you get it when I left it
Said well this catastrophic event
It wasn't meant to mean no harm
But to think there's nothing wrong is a problem, oh
I'm looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry…
Mr. Curiosity – Jason Mraz
Lagu ini – dan Bella Luna – yang paling sering kudengarkan dalam beberapa hari terakhir. Doesn’t it seem like there’s one certain person behind what I feel toward these songs? In fact, no. There isn’t anyone. Mengingatkanku akan seseorang memang, tapi ternyata tak cukup kuat untuk membuatku membeku sebagaimana dulu.
I did miss him. Much. But that was all I can do, everything I could give. Sekarang saat hidup berubah ekstrim dalam waktu singkat, aku bahkan mencari rasa yang dulu. Merindukan rinduku dulu. Bertanya-tanya apakah betul telah pergi. Memancingnya dengan kenangan; membaca semua tulisan dan puisi darinya, mendengarkan lagu yang ia sukai, mengumpulkan serpih sosoknya di kedua titik mataku. I came up to nothing.
Dalam hampir satu bulan, waktu dan keadaan bermurah hati mempercepat laju hidupku – dalam pengambilan keputusan, penentuan prioritas, dan banyak hal lain yang menyertai. Aku tidak pernah benar-benar siap untuk ketiba-tibaan seperti ini, tapi aku harus. Mulai dari melepaskan satu demi satu keseharianku hingga menebas kenangan. Ada saat-saat aku mencari-carinya di sini, di hati. Saat aku kembali ke kamarku pada malam hari, menghempaskan tubuh ke atas tumpukan bantal dan menatap langit-langit. Atau saat aku menikmati coklat panasku di pagi hari sambil menatap kosong jauh melewati balkon kamarku. Still, I came up to nothing.
Lalu ada sosok lain, datang tepat pada pergantian tahun. Di balik seluruh rasa nyaman dan senang saat bersamanya, aku tidak dapat menghapus takut dan amarah akan lelaki. Di balik semua peluk dan cium, aku tidak dapat menghilangkan luka kotorku. Hampir tiga minggu berlalu, ia mulai berubah. Aku selalu mencintai bongkahan es batu dalam minuman dinginku, tapi tidak seperti ini – bukan sosok hidup yang membeku.
Aku tidak ingin menangis lagi karena satu lelaki – sosok yang kutahu akan segera pergi tepat pada saat ia datang. Aku tidak ingin mengais lagi untuk sesuatu yang tak akan pernah pasti. Aku tidak ingin menghabiskan tenagaku untuk mengasihi sosok yang kutahu tidak akan mengasihiku. Aku tidak mau terluka lagi, aku tidak mau menyakiti diriku lagi untuk mengaburkan pedihku.
Jadi dengan semua kisah yang kupunya, dengan begitu banyak warna yang ada, I would try my best to keep my nothingness – in heart and mind of love.
Is it true what they've been saying about you
Well are you killing me
You took care of the cat already
And for those who think it's heavy
Is it the truth
Or is it only gossip
Call it mystery or anything
Oh just as long as you call me
I sent the message on did you get it when I left it
Said well this catastrophic event
It wasn't meant to mean no harm
But to think there's nothing wrong is a problem, oh
I'm looking for love this time
Sounding hopeful but it's making me cry…
Mr. Curiosity – Jason Mraz
Lagu ini – dan Bella Luna – yang paling sering kudengarkan dalam beberapa hari terakhir. Doesn’t it seem like there’s one certain person behind what I feel toward these songs? In fact, no. There isn’t anyone. Mengingatkanku akan seseorang memang, tapi ternyata tak cukup kuat untuk membuatku membeku sebagaimana dulu.
I did miss him. Much. But that was all I can do, everything I could give. Sekarang saat hidup berubah ekstrim dalam waktu singkat, aku bahkan mencari rasa yang dulu. Merindukan rinduku dulu. Bertanya-tanya apakah betul telah pergi. Memancingnya dengan kenangan; membaca semua tulisan dan puisi darinya, mendengarkan lagu yang ia sukai, mengumpulkan serpih sosoknya di kedua titik mataku. I came up to nothing.
Dalam hampir satu bulan, waktu dan keadaan bermurah hati mempercepat laju hidupku – dalam pengambilan keputusan, penentuan prioritas, dan banyak hal lain yang menyertai. Aku tidak pernah benar-benar siap untuk ketiba-tibaan seperti ini, tapi aku harus. Mulai dari melepaskan satu demi satu keseharianku hingga menebas kenangan. Ada saat-saat aku mencari-carinya di sini, di hati. Saat aku kembali ke kamarku pada malam hari, menghempaskan tubuh ke atas tumpukan bantal dan menatap langit-langit. Atau saat aku menikmati coklat panasku di pagi hari sambil menatap kosong jauh melewati balkon kamarku. Still, I came up to nothing.
Lalu ada sosok lain, datang tepat pada pergantian tahun. Di balik seluruh rasa nyaman dan senang saat bersamanya, aku tidak dapat menghapus takut dan amarah akan lelaki. Di balik semua peluk dan cium, aku tidak dapat menghilangkan luka kotorku. Hampir tiga minggu berlalu, ia mulai berubah. Aku selalu mencintai bongkahan es batu dalam minuman dinginku, tapi tidak seperti ini – bukan sosok hidup yang membeku.
Aku tidak ingin menangis lagi karena satu lelaki – sosok yang kutahu akan segera pergi tepat pada saat ia datang. Aku tidak ingin mengais lagi untuk sesuatu yang tak akan pernah pasti. Aku tidak ingin menghabiskan tenagaku untuk mengasihi sosok yang kutahu tidak akan mengasihiku. Aku tidak mau terluka lagi, aku tidak mau menyakiti diriku lagi untuk mengaburkan pedihku.
Jadi dengan semua kisah yang kupunya, dengan begitu banyak warna yang ada, I would try my best to keep my nothingness – in heart and mind of love.
Rabu, 14 Januari 2009
Untitled - 1
Gazing out the window
Wonder how hesitated I feel now that I'm older
Kicking the shadow
Asking why should this be hard more than ever
Shooting the mars
As if its lonesome lasts forever
Mind runs so fast
Hoping this life would kindly turn better
Oh now dear sorrow
I never thought you would come this soon
This woman's in hollow
Refusal of demands be heated as in noon
Warmth do come over
Still shiver stays in calm
Hands tight together
Raise prayers of all harm
Gazing out the window
Staring at scenes of times she's been older
Kicking the shadow
Pretending all things brighter than ever
Shooting the mars
She knew she'll be fine forever
Mind runs so fast
Her life would surely turn better
Wonder how hesitated I feel now that I'm older
Kicking the shadow
Asking why should this be hard more than ever
Shooting the mars
As if its lonesome lasts forever
Mind runs so fast
Hoping this life would kindly turn better
Oh now dear sorrow
I never thought you would come this soon
This woman's in hollow
Refusal of demands be heated as in noon
Warmth do come over
Still shiver stays in calm
Hands tight together
Raise prayers of all harm
Gazing out the window
Staring at scenes of times she's been older
Kicking the shadow
Pretending all things brighter than ever
Shooting the mars
She knew she'll be fine forever
Mind runs so fast
Her life would surely turn better
Jumat, 02 Januari 2009
Balcony
Watching the drizzles as I stand in balcony
With stilettos on and black gown, I'm shimmering
Wondering around, should I get some pictures of me
Waiting here until you come and set me free
Always have I dreamed of this
A man appears with flowers wear tees
Again I smile, stay for the happy ending
At night like this everything seems complete
Classical tunes repeats clearly
Chopin dear, thank you, your music's lovely
Clapping is heart from deep in here
Cloudy sky doesn't disturb this joy of me
Smiling still, I move a bit
So long in stand, need chair to sit
Shall I call him in case he's asleep
Shall I just wait, he wouldn't belated
Black watch of mine, what's the time
Be here soon, wouldn't my man
Back I go, in with mime
Be patient, said I, denying disappointment
Dear mirror on the wall
Does this gorgeousness certainly fall
Do your best, convince me well
Dying to see him, it feels like hell
He will not come, the same as yesterday
Honesty I need not lies to say
Hear me now, sweet mirror of mine
Hurts so bad, I've lost my mind
Back I go step into the balcony
Blast off the stilettos I'll still go on shimmering
What to wonder, I'll still get pictures of me
Why should wait, I myself would set me free
With stilettos on and black gown, I'm shimmering
Wondering around, should I get some pictures of me
Waiting here until you come and set me free
Always have I dreamed of this
A man appears with flowers wear tees
Again I smile, stay for the happy ending
At night like this everything seems complete
Classical tunes repeats clearly
Chopin dear, thank you, your music's lovely
Clapping is heart from deep in here
Cloudy sky doesn't disturb this joy of me
Smiling still, I move a bit
So long in stand, need chair to sit
Shall I call him in case he's asleep
Shall I just wait, he wouldn't belated
Black watch of mine, what's the time
Be here soon, wouldn't my man
Back I go, in with mime
Be patient, said I, denying disappointment
Dear mirror on the wall
Does this gorgeousness certainly fall
Do your best, convince me well
Dying to see him, it feels like hell
He will not come, the same as yesterday
Honesty I need not lies to say
Hear me now, sweet mirror of mine
Hurts so bad, I've lost my mind
Back I go step into the balcony
Blast off the stilettos I'll still go on shimmering
What to wonder, I'll still get pictures of me
Why should wait, I myself would set me free
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