DorotheaDiba - Harus Ya Pakai Sepatu?

Hal kecil mungkin ya.. Tapi jiwaku bener-bener terganggu dengan peraturan 'harus pakai sepatu' di kantor ini.. Peraturan yang sangat wajar - aku yang ngga wajar. Jadi dengan sangat santainya aku pakai sandal jepit selama dalam perjalanan kost-kantor-kost dan pada jam-jam yang kira-kira atasanku belum datang. Sepatunya? Nihh. Ada nih. Udah ada tiga pasang sepatu ni di bawah meja. Kayaknya lama-lama aku bawa isi lemari juga kesini..sekalian sama alat2 mandi...trus ngebuat surat permohonan bangun tenda... Daripada aku telat bangun dan berangkat dengan sangat ngga rela karena terpaksa pakai taxi yang mahalnya ampun-ampunan itu? Kan enak begitu bangun, gaya kaget sambil ngeliat jam yang udah hampir setengah sembilan, kumur pake obat kumur, ambil handuk, naik ke atas buat matiin lampu kantor sebelah luar dan gani line telepon, trus turun lagi, mandi, sarapan ke kantin, dan melenggang tanpa bawa apapun ke kantor. Lembur juga ga akan jadi masalah.. Tinggal turun, langsung tidur. Iya kan-iya kan? Ada yang salah dengan cita-citaku ngebangun tenda di sini? Ada sih...karena tenda ga terlalu akur sama Prada. Prada..??

DorotheaDiba - Back to the Arctic Monkz..

Here I am..melototin lembaran2 nota sambil re-cap pake Excel.. Trauma dan 'ilfil' sejak compynya kantor mood-mood-an, I decided to use my own.. Tenang banget, tumben2an telepon ga krangkringkrangkring.. Lupa bawa kopi hitam dari kantin, berhasil nyegerin diri sendiri dengaaan.. "Arctic Monkeys"..!

Setelah beberapa lama tenggelam dengan lagu-lagu mellow dan memanjakan si hati yang sedih (halah bahasakuuu..), aku akhirnya balik lagi ke playlist yang penuh dengan Arctic Monkeys, Cake dan Queen. Bukan berarti aku udah sepenuhnya bisa ngelupain apa yang udah terjadi, tapi emang udah saatnya aja.. Gila ya jadi diam ga beralasan gitu karena masih repot mikir 'kenapa' dan 'dimana' padahal orang yang dipikirin lagi repot nyehatin diri sendiri...heuehueuhe...

I'll just wait what else I'm going to face within those upcoming days..Kalau masalah keluarga, umm..., ya dihadapin aja dan berusaha setenang mungkin. Kesehatan? Enggalah, dadaku udah ga nyeri, perut juga mulai 'jinak'... Masalah kantor? Selesaikan dengan sikap yang biasa... Masalah hati? Enggak. Ga mau tau. Ngga lagi-lagi sok kuat mau ngebuka hati. Masalah...sepatu? Sepatu..?

so then...

I finally came to the reason...the reason of you on leaving and run away...

Curang yaa..? Pintar.. Kenapa ngga ngomong? Kenapa ngga cerita? But yes, I do believe that God and time has their own way on letting us know the answer..

"Lagi di BI.. Mau jemput.."
Did you know how I feel by that time?
Aku sempat ngga bisa nangis lagi..But I cried that time... Had a hard day at work and decided to call you, another phonecall that I know you would miss.. But then you picked it up and said such words...
Aku pikir aku akan tetap menangis malam itu, aku bahkan mencari-cari sakitku sendiri karenamu... You failed.

Kau tidak bisa lebih buruk dari ini. Bagaimanapun kau yang pergi, and i didn't do anything. You are the one who lied, you are the one who left. You didn't keep your promise, you cheated on me.

But I'm okay. Thank God I never gave anything to you more than I could bear. At least I know who you are now after all that you've done.

Thank you. I might have been broken, but it energized me. I might have been hurt, but it only last for two weeks. I might have cried, but I'm coping tough. I might have regrets on knowing you, but I learned much. I might have missed you, but it's going on worthy. I might have let you go, it's the best i can do. Best for me, for my own self.

=)

It's just another ordinary morning..
When I sit, sip my coffee and there are thoughts of things;
of these, of sheets, of counting, of you.
Just another ordinary morning..
While I sit, working on stuffs and remembering things;
of regrets, of the past, of life, of you.
Another ordinary morning..
I just sit, light my cigarette and listening things;
my mind, my heart, the songs, the voices, of you.
Ordinary morning..
of me sitting still, hold myself from questioning things;
on why, on where, on how, on you.
Morning, such a morning..
with such a rhyme, rhymes in moaning..
on I, on us, on you.

Crescent Moon

Lima seri Stream of Thoughts yang aku post sebelumnya sempat terabaikan walau masih tersisa. Kumuat lagi di sini selain di DeviantArt untuk menepati janji pada diriku sendiri beberapa bulan yang lalu...

Stream of Thoughts #5

The sun shines, I thank it for you
It clears the path wipe off the blue
For once you thought I might be yours
Well here in heart you keep arose

I'm not a trophy
I'm much more worthy
Don't mention the glory
It was the secret went blurry

Scenario He owned, run by the time
Hoped it's you that's written on palm
At last I speak, this was my prime
I'm ever so sorry, never planned any harm

You were always so kind
You were always so warm
Now I feel like wasted
A waste for hesitated

Walk away as far as you wish
Never look back, I'm begging you please
Do leave me dear, grab your bliss
I'll still feel you here within the breeze

Turn around if ever you see me
I wouldn't stand those eyes of mystery
Though now I live in misery
I know it's you that kept me breathe

It's always been him, said I
And will always be, cried I
By this I come to say goodbye
I've framed you here, do fly, go by


Farewell
--Dorothea Diba--

(November 2008) __ dedicated to Charlie.